Tis The Season For Re-gifting, Fa La La La La, La La La, Blah

As dawn breaks in the Atlanta airport and I sit en route to xmas in the sun, I didn't want to miss the chance to leave you with some parting thoughts prior to the end of the year. And, with the holidays in full swing and the Christmas around the corner, this week I finalized the many gifts I had to send to family before leaving town. As I packed the gifts and wrapped them in boxes, I smiled as I looked at the many lovely things I had collected over the past year, each one unique - for that special someone who's name popped into my head when I spotted the item originally. But in the process, I also lamented the other pile of gifts in the closet that I still have no idea what to do with… my heart skipped a beat thinking about what might be coming my way this holiday season. Yes, it reminded me of the many things related to the holiday gift giving that drive me nuts. Not that I don't love to get gifts. I do. People who say they don't are lying. What they mean to say – which is what I mean to say – is this. Please, if you want to give me a gift, just make it something meaningful. It doesn't have to be expensive. Just meaningful. It's doesn't take a lot of money to make or give the gift of something meaningful. It might even not cost any money at all. What I am trying to say is, please, keep the crap for yourself. I really love to find something unique and giving it to that special someone. I spend vacations shopping, nights with catalogs, and other times searching online to find unique, practical things - I think you all will really like. But every year I have that sinking feeling as the holidays approach and I head for the gift closet for the wrapping paper – that something I don't want to deal with lies on the other side of the door. I open it - and KABOOM. I see it. Right there in front of me. It looms above me like a stack of books on the top of the Cat In The Hat's Hat. The piles and piles and miles and miles of the "other gifts." Yes, the "other gifts" - you know, the the slew of other things amassed over the past few years – those less special, odd, to be politically correct, things that have come across our threshold from those less interested in finding that unique gift for us. Yes, those re–gifted gifts. Let's just call them what what they are. And just because you bought it for yourself and changed your mind (as opposed to getting it from someone else and then giving to me) does not mean it's not re-gifted. It is. So, in the spirit of less is more, in these final days before Christmas, I'd like to take a moment to offer some friendly advice. I know we are all busy – so let's keep this entry short and sweet. 1) Leave your crappy bottle of wine on your own bar. I don't need it on mine, and no one else does either. And PS – if you just buy a nice bottle of wine, even the re-giftee will be happy to get it. 2) If you don't like it – donate it to charity or offer it to someone with full disclosure for what it is – and see if they want it before you wrap it up and try to pass it off as something new to me. 3) No, I do not need another lingerie bag. I couldn't possible have that much lingerie (and the same for "cashmere" scarves from Hong Kong). 4) Go with a gift certificate. Yes, it's always hard to choose the amount – and yes, it might give away just how little you have spent on me – but really – I would rather pick something out that I need or want, than have you wrap up your sloppy seconds and pass them on to me. 5) If you are going to re-gift no matter what, then mark down who originally gave it to you – because there is nothing quite as insulting as getting back the very thing I gave to you last year, and having to smile and say thank you. 6) If you are going to pass on a corporate gift, make sure it doesn't have a logo embossed inside that will make it totally clear to me that you re-gifted your corporate gift and tried to pass it off as your own. Yes, especially NetJets stuff – because it's especially insulting to know that you spent enough chartering jets this year that they sent you such a lovely gift, and yet you still couldn't spend your own money on me. 7) I don't want the contents of the gift bag from the awesome benefit you went to last week. Unless it came from the Oscar's or the Grammy's, keep your second rate swag. 8) If you're going to give it, don't fake it. I don't want your fake Hermes or Channel. Even if it looks real, at some point I am going to find out. So don't embarrass me by forcing me to take a watch to Channel for a battery change, only to find out from them (who now think I am an idiot, by the way) that I have been thanking your profusely for a fake. 9) Keep the crap you found in some third world market that you thought looked so cool when you saw it there – got it home – and only then realized just how cheesy it is. If it's too cheesy for you, it's too cheesy for me. 10) Simplify your life and mine. Make a donation to charity. For your sake, mine and the people in this world who really need the help. Yes – that's it – it's very simple. I won't torture you anymore. But I will say this – if it's top shelf, unworn, gorgeous stuff – feel free to pass it on. Things that fall into this category – think good champagne, good wine, unused Hermes, Channel and of course, Jewelry (as long is it's the kind you did not get in Goa – the one that the jeweler will ask my why I am fixing when I take it to him in two years… But really – as I said – the simpler the better. You can even ask me what I like. What the kids like, what my husband likes. Or – just tell me you didn't have time to get anything and send a Starbucks card. Really – it's all good. I will still love you – and I will still be your friend. Especially, by the way, if you keep that absolutely heinous pat work pillow that I would NEVER put in my living room… I hope I have helped you in these final days. Be safe, travel well and here's to a happy and healthy 2013. Crank Out (for 2012).