Welcome to the World!

It's the most joyous time in our lives, welcoming a new little one into the world. We are brimming with excitement, we have boundless emotion and we promise with devout earnestness that we will make the world a better place for our new arrival. We enroll in infant music, yoga, martial arts, and we promise them they will be bi-lingual by age three. We will re-direct all of our own misfortunes and make a better life for our future world leader.

Go for it! I am SO happy for you. I promise to get you a gift, a donation, a onsie, whatever it takes, just please DO NOT SEND A PICTURE of your baby by mail.

You know what I am talking about. That perfect print of your infant, the cutest creature on earth, the one of him or her with their eyes as wide as saucers, their perfect smooth skin, that adorable little outfit (the dorky one they will never wear again and hate you for at high school graduation). The "bundle of joy" picture. KEEP THE PICTURE! I don't want it, no one wants it, and no one knows what to do with it.

For years, I had a drawer full of them. I was riddled with heavy guilt. I could not throw them away. There was another drawer next to it,the Yarmulke and goody bag drawer. That was where we kept all the monogrammed yarmulkes from dozens of wedding and bar/bat mitzvahs for fear that if I threw them out, I'd be stricken down by a swift bolt of lightening from the sky. There were also plenty of odds and ends from showers, christening and the occasional bris. (By the way, isn't it an oxymoron to give a gift at a bris? I always imagined it would be accompanied by a note that said, thanks for coming to our snip; here's a little gift to remember the occasion, forever.")

Last year when we were moving I emptied both drawers. I took the yarmulkes and "goodies" to the temple and left them on the Rabbi's door step. I was afraid if I declared my gift, I would have been sent away, with the box. So, if you should find yourself in the temple next fall on Erev Rosh Hashanah in a yarmulke that says "Gary's Bar Mitzvah," please, do not send a thank you note, especially if it has a picture of your baby with it.

There is one exception, the picture of the baby by email. I love it. Perfect. I can comment. I can say things like. "Oh! Pure joy! She's truly one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen." Or "He is gorgeous. You should model him, now."
Email is perfect, because you can observe, comment, delete, and you don't have to kill any trees in the process. In fact, that's what you can do. Send an email with the picture, say you are trying to start respecting our planet by teaching the next generation how to save trees by NOT sending out a picture that all your friends will throw away because it's creepy to have a picture of someone elses baby around when you are not related to them.

It's just food for thought. I hope you don't take offense. I am really so happy for you and I cannot wait for the email. Just trying to save you a stamp.